It ain’t about you.  How many times have we heard that?  And yet, we silly old humans forget.  It’s understandable.  Things go wrong, we feel before we think (a biological fact), and we react.  Those reactions are egocentric.  The chemicals jetting through our bodies are some powerful stuff!  Managing this process so that our outward manifestations take into consideration that we are not the center of the universe requires practice, self-awareness, and perhaps a ton of self-control.  Mastering ourselves can be a huge factor in job satisfaction, not to mention peace of mind.

Me, Me, Me – Oops!

The word “context” keeps popping into my head.   When our context is insular, it’s flawed. We miss things.  We make mistakes.  We hurt others.  We create drama.  There are serious consequences when we fail to recognize others’ experiences, ideas and cultures.

I recall my reaction once in dealing with a particularly egocentric community association member.  After trying to appeal to reason in every way I could imagine, I gave up.  I changed gears and said, “The thing is, there’s only one sun in the solar system for a reason.  If a person tried to be the center of the system, all the gravitational fields would get messed up and the planets might crash. It just wouldn’t work!”  It was so random she actually had to stop and think about it.  I’m not so sure I would recommend such a facetious approach as one of the “magic beans” of communication, but it actually worked.  At least I didn’t get fired.

Finding Context

One antidote?  Slow down.  See the context of things, events, people and the complicated intersections in between.  Perhaps most importantly, find the underlying principles that can apply to the situation.  If we want help to create solutions and have a ghost of a chance for happiness and peace, we have GOT to get outside of ourselves.  The chart of the universe shown above makes us laugh.  But unless we see ourselves, our experience and our attitudes in the context of the larger world, the chart is accurate to one degree or another.

“Sometimes you have to give yourself away to get yourself back.” – tw

Yes, the prospect can evoke fear.  The impulse to react from our own standpoint is a form of self-defense.  The willingness to release self-interest for a moment might make us feel vulnerable.  I also see some irony here.  The tighter we hold onto a myopic perspective in order to protect ourselves, the more we put ourselves at risk to our detriment. We are less likely to be effective in working with others, less likely to adjust our course to work with changing circumstances, and less likely to find a deeper satisfaction in work and in life. It is vital to develop and grow emotional intelligence.

As you see yourself and your circumstances more clearly in the greater context of what and who are around you, things start to click.  And you grow.  I love the way the late Jim Valvano put it, “A person doesn’t become whole until he becomes part of something bigger than himself.”