Silly Human Tricks

We work/live/hang around with certain people for a while. We have experiences with them. We get to know them. We disagree on a few things. We begin to get annoyed with them. We draw conclusions about their motives. We remember the disagreements.

Here’s where it gets weird.

We strategize to get the results we want, with assumptions about evil intent and ugly history close in our mind and heart. We overstate. We accuse. We blame. They are doing the same thing with us. The disagreements deepen. On the surface, conflicts appear to be about the matter at hand. But just under the water line, the real conflict lurks. We are simultaneously talking about the issues of the day and the distrust of the past. These bi-level communications can last forever. Things bog down. Nothing gets done. History repeats again and again in the vortex of a vicious failure cycle. Dysfunction reigns supreme.

Sound familiar? Congress, anyone?

The pattern can set in with any organization where we silly humans are involved. The more emotionally or physically close the people and the longer the relationship, the more entrenched the pattern. I’ve seen it happen in social circles, in businesses, in families, and yes… in community associations.

Learning How to Break the Cycle

Breaking the failure cycle is not easy, but it’s achievable in most circumstances. It took me a while to appreciate the uniqueness of my career in the community associations field. Since my first on-site management contract, my main, though unstated, role had been to fix broken things and build trust. In the ensuing years, I was thrust into similarly challenging situations. I’m not complaining. The experience turned out to be the best education I could have gotten. It led to me doing most of the consulting for a management company and the formation of Association Bridge.

Here’s what I learned…

Don’t Let the 5 Percenters Rule the Roost

One of our silly human tricks is to focus on the negative. 95% of things might be working well, but we only focus on the 5% of that which makes us unhappy or divides us. Community association leaders and managers will always spend a significant amount of time fixing problems. It’s a big part of their jobs. But that can create a challenge. A constant focus on the 5% makes it hard to see the other 95.

I learned a secret. There is a reason people decide to move into a particular community. There are shared goals, values, and aspirations there. I’ve never worked with a community where its members didn’t have more in common than that which divided them. They just couldn’t see it at first. They were so into the weeds that they could not see the forest. The weeds are where the 5 percenters live and flourish. And yes, that includes those with wildly diverse demographics.

The problems are real. Different opinions are real. But the bigger picture is just as real. Getting out of the weeds of distrust and dysfunction requires elevation.

Get to Higher Ground

There are a few strategies that can help to elevate the discourse and begin to turn failure cycles into success cycles. Here are three of my favorites:

• Use Affirmative Inquiry:  Identify that which members have in common. Establish shared values and goals. Then apply those to the 5 Percenters. Seeing the bigger picture helps to set a context and changes the game.  

• Let Data Drive the Discussion: Much conflict comes from what I call “Theoryworld.” Absent reliable data, people will always rely on what they know – their opinions. Do the homework, communicate the data vigorously, and let that drive the discussion.   

• Fresh Blood: Sometimes new leaders with a fresh perspective can help groups come together. In other cases, a “disinterested third party,” a facilitator with no dog in the fight, can help bridge the gaps.

Trust is almost always the key. Stephen M.R. Covey made an astute observation in his excellent book The Speed of Trust. When trust is present, things happen quickly and cost-effectively. When trust is absent, things take longer and cost more. Who doesn’t want cheap and easy? Getting to higher ground begins the process of melting distrust and creating a culture of trust.

Yeah, Sounds Great, But….

Does this stuff actually work? Here are some real-life examples of “Breaking the Cycle”:

Case Study #1

One association had an incendiary newsletter that torched the board over every decision. They undermined confidence and deepened divisions in the community. After about a month, I realized that its editor was a board member’s wife.

I expanded my “Board Orientation/Tune Up” program into a two-part community leadership program. The community had several committees, including the newsletter committee, which were contributing to the dysfunction to one degree or another. The first session was for all committee members and board members. This was followed a week later by a board-only session. There was a clear communication of both the letter and spirit of the law and governing documents. Both sessions included a section about best practices in leadership. We applied universally accepted principles to the community association paradigm. This created a space where the group could follow up with a productive planning session. They were able to agree on goals for the year and a program to reach them. Two years of progress ensued.

Case Study #2

Another condominium we took over had severely underfunded reserves and an unrealistic budget. They had also been the victim of theft from their prior attorney, who had pocketed the fees provided by members in collections. The stories were heartbreaking. Community members were equally upset about the condition of the property and the prospect of higher condominium fees. I facilitated a town hall meeting to share the difficult news. The Board, worried about a violent reaction, made sure to hire an off-duty police officer to keep me and them from being attacked.

By the end of the presentation with the data clearly shared, we had unit owners offering to organize to perform some repairs and property clean-up as volunteers. Once members saw clearly the reality of their situation, working together to find solutions became the obvious alternative to blame and complaint. Despite the increase in fees and many challenges, there was a palpable improvement in community spirit at the next annual meeting.

Case Study #3

At an annual meeting 16 days into a new management contract, I had a unit owner point her finger at me and tell me she was going to hold me accountable for everything the board did. In the ensuing months, she took full advantage of owner comment periods at board meetings to remind everyone of every bad decision that had been made over the last 30 years and to call into question board members’ intelligence. I got to know her and at one point suggested she consider running for the board to be a part of the solution. She declined. I still remember the look on her face when I told her that at some point the community would need to learn how to agree to disagree in an agreeable fashion. You would have thought I had two heads. After a pregnant pause, she whirled away and exclaimed disgustedly, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

After a full analysis of the operation and a particularly vigorous and expanded budget process, the community understood the needs of the building and where their money was going. At the next annual meeting, my finger-pointing friend rose to deliver her usual diatribe, only to be encouraged to cease and desist by her fellow unit owners. Deferred maintenance projects were eventually initiated. The turnaround put this previously notorious community in a position to win a Community Association of the Year award.

The Bottom Line

We spend too much time and energy allowing our opinions get in the way of getting things done. We are missing opportunities that are right in front of us. Imputing the motives of others has no value. Even if you are right, it doesn’t help.

Stop. Just don’t. Find facts and stick with them. Get to higher ground. Focus on strengths. Find the shared values, goals and aspirations. Let that create context and culture. Put people in a position to be their best. And then…watch success happen.