Sometimes the right words at the right time are like magic beans. Seemingly intractable positions soften, conflicts are resolved, and things get done. I’ve stumbled across a few during my career. This blog is the first in a series of sharing communication approaches that have worked for me. I hope they help you.

Many years ago I was called upon to take over a developer-controlled association. Diane, the community manager, was at her wit’s end. She found the developer to be dismissive and dishonest. It became clear that a change in assignment was required to get things on track and I became the manager. One of the hot issues involved considerable damage to an overhead garage door. Repairs were completed to the tune of a few thousand dollars. But it was a sticky situation. Several unit owners knew that developer personnel hit the door with their vehicle. Elliot, the developer representative, had been trying to get Diane to file a claim under the condominium’s master policy. But Diane was a particularly principled manager. She refused to file the claim, insisting that the repairs were the developer’s responsibility. The more she protested filing the claim, the more he insisted she file it.

Sure enough, by the end of our first meeting, Elliot tells me, “Tommy, we’ve got to get that insurance claim filed. I don’t know what that woman’s problem was.” I let him know I had a lot on my plate, but would get back to him. (I’ll admit it…while the statement was 100% true, I was buying time). In the ensuing weeks, I observed Elliot closely as we worked together. It was clear he enjoyed doing business in a “guy’s club” manner. I also noticed that he was very religious. He observed all the holy days. But the application of ethical principles behind religious practice? Not so much. The reasons why he and Diane were oil and water became crystal clear. In addition to the gender issue, her frame of reference was principle-based. She saw law as a function of ethics. Elliot seemed to be legalistically-based. He saw ethics as a function of law (i.e. if you don’t get into trouble, it’s not unethical). There was no way Elliot would ever hear Diane’s message. So I took a different tack.

Elliot: “Tommy, have you filed that claim yet?”

Me: “I’ve been looking at that and wanted to talk to you when you had a moment. If we file that claim, I wanted to make sure you knew how it might play out.”

Elliot: “Whaddaya mean?”

Me: “Well, you know you are a couple of months before turning over control of the board to the unit owners.”

Elliot: “Yeah, so what?”

Me: “You know the folks who will most likely to run will be the ones that trust you the least. I mean no disrespect, but you know not everybody’s a big fan…”

Elliot (shrugs, nods): “Yeah, there are always troublemakers.”

Me: “In my experience, folks like that get on the board and one of the first things they do is rake through the financials. They are looking for anything suspicious. And if we file the claim and that happens, guess what they’ll see?”

Elliot: “What’s that, Tommy? “

Me: “An insurance deductible expense. And they’ll ask questions and figure out pretty quickly that their fees paid for damage done by your guys. So I really only have one question for you – is your lawyer on retainer or do you pay him by the hour.”

Elliot (pregnant pause…): “Hmm…so you think I might get in a little trouble, Tommy?”

Me: “You might.”

Elliot: “OK, no problem, I’ll write a check to reimburse the condo.”

Me: “Good idea. I’ll show it as a credit on the financials so everyone will know you took care of it.”

Elliot: “Thanks a lot Tommy. I really appreciate that.”

Granted, it was difficult to do business with the gentlemen. I felt like washing my hands after every handshake. If my tactic didn’t work, I had a Plan B in my pocket. I would have advised Elliot that if I filed the claim, I would have had to recommend the insurer pursue subrogation against him. If that meant we got fired, so be it. But none of that proved necessary. We found a mutual frame of reference, he did the right thing and the unit owners were well-served.