Let’s say you did everything recommended in last week’s blog. You have great rules and have done a masterful job communicating them to your members. Bravo! Yet, despite best intentions and practice, someone’s gonna blow it. Reflecting back to last week’s Catholic imagery, whether it be an innocent sin of omission or a more brazen sin of commission, sooner or later a covenant will be violated or a rule broken.

Now what?

The knee jerk reaction might be to write the dreaded violation letter. Please stop and think first. In many locations, the law requires a full disclosure of all the bad things that can happen in the event of non-compliance, meaning there’s a slew of impersonal, aggressive-sounding legalese. Here comes the mean nun again….How can you achieve the goal of building community in this difficult circumstance?

Here are a few tips employed by successful volunteers and managers:

1. Walk softly before carrying a big stick: Perhaps an informal communication is best, even (perhaps especially) a verbal one. You can still make a note to file to have a business record of the conversation. A friendly email follow up to a conversation can be invaluable. When people know they are getting a little slack, many tend to appreciate it and the problem is gone. Even if they turn out to be bad players, you have a record of being very reasonable.

2. Never assume the person is even aware of the rule (even if you are sure): Starting off with “You might not realize this, but….” softens the blow. People have a lot going on in their lives. Their reality is that it doesn’t matter that they have an obligation to comply with provisions buried in the 4,536 papers they signed at settlement. It’s irrelevant until it impacts them personally.

3. EXPLAIN THE WHY:   Super important.  Try to weave it in to every communication if possible. People are thinking of themselves first (and so are you if you are not following these tips…). Helping them to see the broader wisdom of a rule, or the impact it could have on them if a neighbor were to violate the rule, could help. If nothing else, it establishes you as a reasonable player and provides context.

4. Give them the graceful exit: Assume a good result, thank them in advance for their consideration, be their partner in helping them to do the right thing. EVEN IN THE FORMAL VIOLATION LETTER WITH THE SCARY LEGALESE (which, by the way can be set off with a friendly disclaimer about hoping none of this will occur). The more you assume you’ll have to fight, the more it will seep out in your wording and the more likely it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

5. Consider your words carefully: Just some crazy talk here… Why not a “Due Process” Policy instead of an “Enforcement” Policy…. or maybe better… a “Community Values Administration” Policy? Or “Quality of Life Maintenance” Policy? Clearly, I’m struggling here. But anything is better than the Mean Nun “Enforcement” Policy.

6. Let someone else proofread your work: Make sure negative emotions aren’t creeping out… If you don’t have a good proofreader, set difficult correspondence and email aside long enough to pick it back up with fresh eyes.

7. Tom Tip Bonus – what to do when a member is angry about a neighbor’s actions and wants you to write a violation letter:  First, ask the member if he or she has spoken to the neighbor. Usually, the answer in “no.” I then say “I can certainly write the letter based of your written complaint. But may I ask you a question? If you were bothering your neighbor and didn’t realize it, which would you rather get; a visit from that neighbor with a plate of cookies and a smile with the message ‘you probably don’t realize it, but…’ or a nastygram from Big Brother?” If they agree, ask the member to let you know how it goes and let them know you’ll write the letter if necessary. Give it a try. It works!

We know that tone is as important, if not more important that content. Yes, you should check with association counsel to make sure your formal communications are fully compliant with legal requirements. Don’t give away the high ground, even when you are left with no choice but to brandish the big stick. The mean nun does not hold the high ground. If she did, the ruler would not be her first option.